Working in human resources means you get to do all sorts of cool things related to organizational culture, employee experience, performance and development, and change management. Sometimes you just get to crank out some good old-fashioned rah-rah cheerleading which, although many in “strategic” HR are loathe to admit it, can be quite enjoyable.

Working in human resources also means you have an inside, often uncomfortable, view of the seamy underbelly of humanity.  We’re in a special place where we learn about all the unpleasant, disreputable and downright sordid activities with which people fill their time.

The HR Department is no place for the prim and prudish.

During my career in HR I have had to deal with my fair share of shocking incidents, and, being friends with loads and loads of HR folks, have heard tales from many others. There are many perplexing behaviors the average HR professional can pretty much take for granted they will deal with at some stage such as when an employee is discovered:

  • watching porn at work
  • taking naked selfies at work
  • sharing naked selfies with their co-workers
  • sharing homemade porn (starring themself!) at work
  • posting homemade porn on the internet so it can be “discovered” by co-workers

No? Just me and my HR friends?

Well surely, if you work in human resources, you’ve dealt with an employee who:

  • starts a consensual romance with a co-worker
  • thinks it’s perfectly OK to have consensual #sexytime, during work hours, in the bathroom
  • uses the executive conference room for #sexytime, after hours, while ensuring the Auditing Firm’s files are not disturbed

No? Again? Just me and my HR friends?

So…yeah…eeeww (you might be saying). Give me a performance issue or an investigation into timeclock manipulation or even a damn body-odor conversation! DIscussing sex is just distressing to all sorts of HR practitioners; puritanical or not. Yet, again and again, we have to head down that path.

But do you know the Number 1 employee issue that makes HR people squeamish, the granddaddy of them all, the absolute WORST conversation to have with an employee?  It’s the chat about “sexual self pleasuring at work.”

Surely this situation has arisen (no pun intended) in just about every workplace? I think every HR person I’ve ever swapped HR Horror stories with has had this delightful ER experience. I’ve heard stories of gals and guys taking care of business in bathrooms, offices, cubicles, parking lots, janitor’s closets and walk-in-freezers. Brrrrr. A google search on the situation leads us to questions, queries and articles such as  Masturbating at work is a doctor-approved stress reliever.  Well then.

Yesterday I cam across an article on the topic: Several Women Say Airlines Don’t Take Their Complaints About Men Masturbating Next To Them Seriously.”   This led to some HR pondering:

  • If your employee heads on a business trip, sits next to a masturbator, and is traumatized by the experience, how does that impact their employment?
  • What if they have to travel for work?
  • Can the employee hold the employer responsible for subjecting them to the masturbator?
  • If the employee can no longer travel and is fired is that a constructive discharge?
  • Would it be compensable under workers’ compensation?
  • And on the flip side….what if your employee IS the airplane masturbator?

Eeeww indeed.

At least some folks have the sense to take the matter into their own hands (pun intended) in the janitor’s closet back at Headquarters.

Eeeww: The Top Employee “Issue” That Makes HR People Queasy
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