Working in HR often feels like being the workplace equivalent of airport security: no one’s exactly thrilled to see you, everyone assumes you’re about to ruin their day, and yet you’re an essential part of keeping the whole operation running smoothly.
You’re viewed as the enforcer of policies, the keeper of secrets, the breaker of bad news. Attempt to show a personality or crack a smile, and suddenly you’re accused of “playing favorites.” Express a relatable human emotion, and someone wonders if you’ve compromised your objectivity.
This myth of the neutral, emotionless HR professional persists, but I’m going to tell you a secret: it’s fiction. HR professionals are, in fact, people. Shocking, I know. We have favorite snacks. We binge-watch trash TV. We feel things. And we’re more than capable of forming workplace friendships without violating the Geneva Conventions of Corporate Ethics.
In fact, building healthy, professional relationships is not only possible for HR practitioners – but it can also be deeply beneficial. When employees see HR as approachable and human (rather than lurking in an ivory tower of compliance), it lays the foundation for trust, openness, and honest dialogue. In short: a more functional and less cynical workplace.
The Myth of Neutral HR
The idea that HR professionals must remain distant and impersonal is rooted in a misunderstanding of the role itself. Objectivity does not require emotional detachment. Boundaries do not preclude kindness. You can maintain professional distance and still bring your practically-award-winning Funeral Potatoes to office potlucks without sparking an ethics investigation.
And let’s be honest; employees aren’t fooled by the HR poker face. They know when you’re phoning it in. They can sense the discomfort when you hover at the edge of a conversation, clutching your LaCroix like a shield. So rather than perform some outdated version of neutrality, try aiming for authenticity paired with discernment. It’s far more effective – and far less exhausting.
Why Friendships Still Matter
You work in HR so you know all that Gallup Q12 stuff about “having a best friend at work.” Human connection isn’t just a “nice to have” at work – it’s a driver of performance, retention, and engagement. HR is, ostensibly, about humans. Failing to connect with them undermines the very thing you’re hired to support.
And no, you don’t need to join every group lunch or overshare about your weekend yoga retreat. But knowing someone’s kid just started kindergarten or that they’re obsessed with home renovation TikToks? That kind of low-stakes connection builds rapport. And rapport builds trust. And trust is what makes people come to you when it’s the stuff that really matters.
How to Be Friendly Without Overstepping
I have faith in you and know you can do this.
Start with the small stuff. Say hello. Ask questions. Notice things. Compliment Cathy in Accounting on her sexy new boots. Laugh at the shared absurdity of the fourth email about updating your password.
Over time, those casual exchanges create space for deeper familiarity – without requiring you to become the office confidante or emotional support mammal. Naturally you do need to avoid gossip, steer clear of clique culture and keep your own disclosures thoughtful and light. You’re modeling what it looks like to be approachable … but you still have to keep it appropriate.
When tricky situations arise – as they inevitably do – be honest about the boundary: “Hey, I know this might feel awkward, but in my role I need to stay neutral. Let’s grab coffee sometime soon and catch up as people, not as HR and employee.”
People respect clarity and understand nuance. And they appreciate it when you demonstrate that you’re not hiding behind your role/title – you’re simply honoring it.
Human First, HR Second (Sometimes)
It turns out, being a decent human at work is not mutually exclusive with being a good HR professional. Quite the opposite. The more you show up as your full, thoughtful, complex self, the more others will feel safe to do the same.
And yes, you can go to happy hour. You can sit at the lunch table. You can make a work friend who becomes a real friend. You just have to be clear-eyed about the moments when your responsibility to the organization (including keeping your lips firmly shut) must take precedence over your personal preferences.
True friends will understand; they won’t ask you to compromise your ethics or your role.
Remember … when done right, HR isn’t about policing people. It’s about connecting them.
And that starts with showing up like one.
