February 16, 2015
TO: All Employees
FROM: Janet Jones, Director of Human Resources
RE: Inappropriate Workplace Conversations
It has come to my attention that a fair number of you saw the movie “Fifty Shades of Grey” this past weekend. Some of you, according to my sources, attended multiple screenings.
It is apparent that many of you have forgotten that Acme Corporation’s Workplace harassment policy prohibits “verbal or physical conduct that creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment.” (Section III, subsection A, paragraph 2).
While talk of one’s ‘inner goddess’ may not, on the surface, create an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment, when followed up with a discussion about the color of one’s cheeks it may cause others to feel uncomfortable.
Please also note:
- It is not appropriate to begin using “Laters, baby” as your email signature
- We will not, despite repeated requests, be turning the vacant office on the 5th floor into a “Red Room”
- Corsets are not appropriate workplace attire
- It is neither funny nor professional to inform a co-worker “I’d like to bite that lip.”
- We will no longer allow college journalism students to interview our top executives
- This memo is not tongue in cheek; it is not advisable, after all, to use the phrase “tongue in cheek.”
Thank you for your attention to this matter and please see me with any questions.