The #HROlympics

synchro swimWhile the Olympic athletes are deciding whether or not to stay in the Olympic Village or head on out and book a room at the local Hilton, the rest of us are just sitting here waiting for the opening ceremonies to kick off next week.

Those of us in HR though, in between having super-important-strategic meetings where we literally sit at the table and/or are running around prepping for open enrollment (sweet baby Moses…. already? didn’t we just do this?), still need a bit of fun. I mean, something other than the monthly SHRM chapter luncheon meetings at The Central City Convention Center (oh my god Tara! They’re serving the hot buttered rolls! And the special Green Goddess dressing!!) Am I right? Yeah; you know I am.

So, because I desired a bit of levity, I posed a query on Facebook the other day and asked folks to “name some featured sports in the ‪#‎HROlympics.”

I went first and offered up what I thought was a sure fire winner —- “Forced Hoop Jumping.”

But then we got more ideas; way better than mine. Let me present to you the following #HROlympics sports for your consideration:

  • Passing the buck
  • Running a 401(k)
  • Lying (** ouch**)
  • Discussing Psychometric Assessments
  • 4 judges with numbered cards for annual appraisals
  • The hamster wheel
  • Bending over (** double ouch**) (also – not in that way. Get your minds outta the gutter.) 
  • Lawyer wrangling (this from an employment attorney) 
  • Back peddling
  • Excuse wrestling
  • Synchronized employer branding
  • Extreme cat herding
  • Ass kissing – closest to the center ring wins (wait…isn’t that the #MarketingOlympics?) 
  • Disgruntled employee steeplechase
  • The OFCCP luge
  • OneUpsManship
  • SHRM swag powerlifting (with reference to Coach bags and Michael Kors)
  • The Marathon – (just another day in the life of HR)
  • Biathalon: Failed teambuilding exercise and synchronized bitching
  • The outside counsel waffle
  • Insurance decathlon
  • Picking low hanging fruit
  • Stamina & endurance test: proving you have at least one more f*ck to give

My goodness. We’re a cynical bunch.

Or…perhaps…incredibly self aware.

#GoForTheGold

 

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thanks to: Matthew Stollack, Christine Assaf, Stephen O’Donnell, Julie Sholar, Heather Kinzie, Kate Bischoff, Franny Oxford, John Jorgenson, Damona Barnes, Mike Haberman, Martin Burns, Mary Faulkner, Lois Melbourne, Tim Baker, Mary McClure Wright, Brad Galin, Kelly Blokdijk, Christy Chess, Paul Miller (and more….) 

p.s. since, as we know, NO idea in HR blogging is original, let me point out that back in 2012 my friend Tim Sackett wrote a post about the “The HR Olympics”. I, however, think our 2016 list is better…..

 

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The Plight of The Elderly in Love and Work

800px-Cane,_Walker_Cane_Hybrid,_WalkerBecause I turned a certain age recently I now receive “AARP The Magazine” delivered to my home each month. (as an aside: I still can’t figure out how they know the age of the entire populace of the United States. Satellites? US Census Reports? NSA?)

The cover of the February/March issue which recently landed in my mailbox features a sullen (what else) Bob Dylan and teases us with various tantalizing story headlines: “Heart Health Makeover” and “8 Easy Ways to Live Longer” among them.

Also on the cover, under the headline “Jobs & Money,” are several bullet points promising what lies within the pages. Among these, beginning on page 46, is a story entitled “Outsmart a Younger Boss.”

Because, apparently, when you reach a certain age you have to rely on tricks and wiles as opposed to your knowledge, experience and business savvy.

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Yesterday, while performing a bit of business intelligence (also known as trolling the internet), I happened upon a company website which, on the “benefits” section of the career page, proudly states “An annual physical exam for employees 58 and older is provided, at no cost to the employee”

58 is, seemingly, a magic age for something. What that something is neither I nor multiple people on my Facebook timeline were able to determine.

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And then, as if it wasn’t bad enough to realize I have to outsmart my boss and am considered to have one foot in the grave when I hit the age of 58, I learned that I’m also destined to be forever behind the 8 Ball in matters of hook-ups love and romance. Well, if I were single and cared about that.

Tinder announced that users of Tinder Plus in the US who are under the age of 30 will pay $9.99 per month for the service. However, if you want to use Tinder Plus but you’re past the age of 30, then you best be prepared to fork over $19.99 per month. Oh…and if you’re in the UK? You start paying more at age 28.

As Evie Nagy wrote in Fast Company “It’s hard, of course, not to see the move as a statement of desirability—set the entry bar higher for older users, you’ll get fewer older users in the pool of available daters. But the truth is probably as Tinder claims. Older people looking for love are willing to pay more for the premium app’s flexibility. We’ll see if that holds once the uneven pricing is now public.”

Play mind games with your boss. Get thee to the doctor. Realize that once you’re over the age of 30 you are undateable.

Got it.

 

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image: wikimedia commons

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