The other week, without much else going on, Mr. S. and I settled down on the couch and watched a marathon of James Bond movies. (editorial note: I never liked Pierce Brosnan in the role and, IMO, Roger Moore was the absolute worst.)
As always, when watching any movie that features some evil-doer (ED) focused on disaster, mayhem, and taking over the world, I gave lots of attention to the ED’s side-kicks. Inevitably I began to wonder…
- How did this guy/gal casually participating in nefarious activities decide this was the career path they wanted to follow?
- Does one prepare a resume and create a LinkedIn profile in the hope that recruiters reach out?
- Is there a job board for “Evil Underlings?”
- Who is the head of TA for the evil organization?
- What about recruitment marketing? What sort of messaging is required?
- Is the recruiting team working diligently to eliminate bias when creating an applicant pool?
- Does Susie Recruiter conduct phone screens? Skype? Scheduled/recorded video interviews?
- What are the competencies and behavioral attributes against which she is hiring?
- Has Susie Recruiter executed an SLA with the ED? How do those regular check-in meetings go?
- Are there any skills tests or assessments utilized during the screening process?
- Who extends the job offer?
- What does the compensation package look like?
- Is there a head of HR? A policy manual? An employee handbook?
- Do evil minions get PTO? Full medical/dental/vision? What about Life Insurance and AD&D?
- Can you even imagine the premiums for workers comp coverage?
- What, exactly, is the projected and actual turnover rate in the organization?
- If a henchman resigns, who conducts the exit interview?
- CAN a henchman resign?
- Does the organization provide letters of reference for an ex-employee’s next gig?
I thought my time in the hospitality/gaming industry presented mad-paced recruiting, sufficiently high turnover and challenging employee relations issues.
Probably a cake-walk compared to that which is faced by the CHRO of Evil Empire, LLC.
mage: Lady Penelope Peasoup; Batman